If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
