Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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