Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize