I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
