Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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