Already got asked if we're dating
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
