The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
