In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
