hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
