Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
