It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
