I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
