6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think people are normalizing furries
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