Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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