dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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