She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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