Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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