it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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