He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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