i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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