I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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