Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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