Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
