I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I love you. Go after that dick
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize