i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
