3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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