I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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