He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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