i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
