You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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