Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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