I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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