the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
