just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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