the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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