I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize