The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
