fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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