Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
