they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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