Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
