Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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