I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
