OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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