she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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