smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
