is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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