a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
