it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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