You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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