There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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