I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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