he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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