am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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