Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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