But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize