remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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