Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Say something about gay babies.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
