so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
