If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
