I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
