Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
