good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
3 2 1 whiskey
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
