Umm I'm too high to move.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you inspire me to be a worse person
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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