also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i barfeds in our rink
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize