Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
