There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
