yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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