true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize