i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
