That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Even my vagina gasped.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
