PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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