Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
