these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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