Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
