I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
