oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The air was thick with penises
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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