who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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