Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
