Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
