good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
