I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
