The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she told me i tasted like america
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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