HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
