i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
