How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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