just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize