Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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