Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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