hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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