i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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