So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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