Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
