i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
