so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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