Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
