Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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