We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize